When I was in my twenties, I spent the better part of a decade trying to be, as I now reflect upon it, perfect. I was in therapy every week, I read every book on metaphysics that I could get my hands on, and, well, I even did several retreats at Esalen (look it up). Sometime in my forties I arrived at the conclusion that I was already perfect . . . as perfect as I was ever going to be, and as perfect as I needed to be. Boy, did that take the pressure off! One might assume that with less self imposed pressure, I might end up becoming less productive, but for those that know me even a little, this is clearly not what happened. I have had the most productive years since, and I have done so while feeling more at peace and relaxed than at any other point in my life. Whereas it may seem as though I am suggesting the work I did in my twenties was unnecessary, I actually believe it was critical to giving me the core foundational personal thought paradigms that I use literally every day of my life. Here they are:
- There is never a reason to be anxious. If there is something you can do about what it is that is making you feel anxious, don’t feel anxious, do something about it. If there is nothing you can do about whatever is making you feel anxious, what are you anxious about? There is nothing you can do about it.
- Whenever you have a negative thought about someone, remind yourself that they, just like you, experience suffering. When I do this, a warming effect happens to me physically. It reminds me of the oneness of humanity, and is a key to my happiness.
- All human motivation is ultimately based on seeking to be loved and valued (and feeling valued is really just another way of feeling loved). If I see my own or someone else’s negative actions, I take comfort in knowing that the reason we often act negatively is that we are not feeling loved or valued at that moment. Such thoughts allow me to take direct action.
- All human production, at base, comes from ideas and relationships. If we have an idea and want to execute the idea, we need relationships to do so. I constantly work on nurturing relationships, which, in turn, makes me feel loved and valued when we can all come together to execute ideas!
Okay, sorry to get a little hippy dippy with this week’s perspective, but Tessa’s piece last week made me feel an opening to get philosophical. 🙂