Recently, I realized it had been quite a while since I had talked to several old friends that I had once been very close with. In the past few years, many of us have moved, started new jobs, and found new social circles, and before I knew it it had been months since we’d last had a chance to catch up. Or, if we had spoken, it was a few brief text messages, where we both agreed we should definitely find a time to chat soon, and then never followed up. After all, when I know my friends are busy, I don’t want to be pushy or constantly pester them about finding a time to chat. Unfortunately, as one of my friends recently informed me, they often feel the same way. So we both sit, politely refraining from bothering one another, and never actually end up finding a time to talk.
This is one of those problems that is frustrating to solve, because there’s no specific cause, no one thing that can change in order to prevent the problem entirely. After all, if we both want to talk to one another more, how can it be so difficult to actually make that happen? We’re all just trying to be considerate, and yet nobody is happy with the result.
It’s become clear that there is only one real solution. At least one of us is going to have to learn to be okay with the concept of being annoying sometimes. To be willing to send a second text, or even a third or fourth, if we haven’t gotten a response yet. To call one another after work, on the off chance that we’re both free to chat for a while. To suggest specific times to make plans, instead of just “soon.” Otherwise the texts go unanswered and forgotten, and “let’s chat soon” becomes three months of silence.
